my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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