Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
