my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
