chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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