3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
