im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
