I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
