Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
