I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
