my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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