It's Friday. Sex?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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