i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
