You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
