we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
