Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
