So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
