Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
