in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
