I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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