I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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