I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How's work?
Spinning.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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