he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
