He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
