I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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