i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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