i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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