I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
