Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
