I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
