i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
