so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
