WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
