i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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