i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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