do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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