Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Green mimosas i think yes
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
