i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
