I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
