My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
