We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
