$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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