i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
