How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Barsexuality is the new black.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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