She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
