bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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