I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
