Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
