if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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