is your mom at the bar?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
