Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
