i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
