dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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