She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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