I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
