It's Friday. Sex?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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